


You Didn't See Everything

by Charientist



Category: Dreaming of Sunshine - Silver Queen
Genre: Betrayal, Forgiveness, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-11-08 15:16:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20837654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charientist/pseuds/Charientist
Summary: Sasuke confronts Shikako about the truth behind the Uchiha Massacre.





	You Didn't See Everything

Sasuke’s hand wasn’t shaking. He’d been a shinobi three years now, had been obsessively training for it for six years before graduation, had been effectively bred for it for unknowable generations. He was a jounin, an ANBU captain, wielder of the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan.

He shouldn’t be surprised his hand wasn’t shaking.

He knocked on the door in front of him, let his hand fall to his side. His heart pounded louder in his ears with each second that passed until it opened to show Shikamaru leaning against the frame. The moment his eyes met Sasuke’s he straightened from his habitual slouch.

Sasuke wondered what expression he was making. He wasn’t very expressive on a good day and right now he felt like he had a delicate coating of numbness over his skin _just _holding back a storm he didn’t want to face.

“I need to talk to Shikako,” he heard himself saying.

Shikamaru blinked. His posture didn’t relax, but he did step back slightly, gesturing with a hand for Sasuke to come inside.

Sasuke stepped through the threshold and let Shikamaru close the door behind him but didn’t move any further, didn’t trade his shoes for the guest slippers by the door.

Shikamaru frowned at him, eyes dark with calculation, and Sasuke wondered if he would protest. Wondered if he would try to step in to protect his sister, knowing that _something _was going on. Again.

In the end he excused himself to retrieve Shikako and Sasuke was left to hover by the door in deep discomfort. In choking betrayal and fear that he _couldn’t _afford to examine now. Preferably not ever.

Luckily it wasn’t too long before Shikako came jogging down the stairs, looking right to him with curiosity and concern. “Sasuke?”

“We need to talk. Privately.”

_Don’t say things like that here. Don’t you know how easy it is to be overheard?_

Shikako frowned but didn’t hesitate. “Okay. How privately? My room, or–”

“_Privately_.”

Her look of concern deepened, but she slipped on her sandals without asking anymore questions. She trusted him. She trusted him as much as she trusted anyone. Probably. Maybe.

He let out a controlled breath and tried to avoid any more tells as they took an indirect path to an ANBU changing station, all the way keeping an eye out for watchers. He knew that she would be, too, and better than he could.

_You haven’t seen anything? People following you?_

They emerged from the other exit of the station as Hawk and Bat, using every stealth technique they’d ever learned.

He led her into headquarters, into a private meeting room. When the door was closed and the standard privacy seals engaged, he turned to look at her expectantly.

She stared at him from behind her mask for a long moment before stiffening in apparent realization. Then she pulled her sealing equipment out of her Hammerspace and set about encasing them in a secondary layer of original privacy sealing. Something they could be more certain no one had a prepared counter to as a final safety measure.

Interesting how different her habits and techniques seemed when he knew _why _she was paranoid even for a ninja. Paranoid to the point she feared people discovering how deep her paranoia ran, as if fear itself were a danger. He knew better now why she’d always had a constant drive to be stronger. Why she always measured herself against impossible standards.

She was so careful, and he wondered how much of the teammate he knew was made of nothing but layers of caution and fear.

_It’s hard to live a whole life as a lie. Maybe you didn’t see everything that was going on, but that doesn’t mean what you did see was wrong._

When Shikako finally sealed her brushes and ink away and turned back to him, he took his mask off and set it gently on the table in the center of the room. Shikako did the same.

His hands didn’t shake. Neither did hers.

“How long have you known?” he asked, surprised to hear his voice come out as steady as their hands.

She stiffened. “Sasuke? I’m not sure what you–” she stopped short as his face twisted in pain.

Was she really unsure? How many things could it possibly _be_? How many secrets was she keeping that he might want to confront her over?

“How long have you known that the Danzo ordered my family murdered? That the Hokage didn’t care.”

Had she suspected as early as Yakumo? She’d been terrified when he suggested the possibility of the Hokage ordering Yakumo’s parents dead. At the idea that Yakumo wanted revenge. That _anyone _might have overheard it.

_We might not ever know the truth. That doesn’t mean it’s not still dangerous. If it’s true – if – then it’s supposed to stay secret._

“Does it matter?” Shikako whispered.

Sasuke wanted to choke on the emotion that rose in his throat. Did it matter? He wasn’t sure. It couldn’t change anything now, but it still _meant something _to him.

“Did you know before Itachi died to save me?”

Shikako stayed silent. He wasn’t sure if that meant she had.

“Would–” he cut off, not sure he _wanted _to know the answer, whether Shikako would be willing to answer or not. Except even more than that, he didn’t think he could let go without even asking. “Would you ever have told me?”

Shikako let out a slow breath but stayed silent.

Sasuke raised a hand to cover his eyes as he felt them spin into the Sharingan, emotion too strong to pull the chakra back but not wanting to memorize any part of this moment.

“Yes.”

Sasuke lowered his hand to look at her and saw that she wasn’t even looking back, her gaze focused down on her mask but her eyes dark with emotion.

“If you were looking deeper without knowing the danger there and I couldn’t stop you another way… If you were in more danger not knowing. I would have told you.”

He stared at her, Sharingan analyzing every facet of her pained expression.

He let out a slow, careful breath of his own.

The worst part of Itachi’s betrayal was how easy it was to believe. He _wanted _to doubt. He wanted it not to be true. He wanted at the very least to believe that –

_You thought he left you alive because he loved you_.

That any part of the brother he could hardly stand to remember had been _true_.

But how could he? How could he have known, really, when –

_To test my limits_

_The eye taken from thy brother is eternal_

When Itachi built a lie that made such terrible sense, that so easily could have been true, and then lived it. Took every possible chance to prove it.

Using the Tsukoyomi against Sasuke. Torturing him inside his mind for _days_. Trying it _again _only to be intercepted by Shikako, leaving her with the same nightmarish memories of endless death in black and white under a red sky.

He didn’t need to do those things for his cover with the Akatsuki. He didn’t need to try so hard to twist Sasuke permanently with hate, to take away any chance he had to feel peace. To even _want _it.

Sasuke studied the lines of pain and fear and the lack of regret that carved into Shikako’s face.

She hadn’t told him. Might never have told him if she hadn’t thought it was necessary to protect him. But she’d also been the one most responsible for him staying in the village. No one else had helped so much to keep him from chasing the specter of revenge Itachi had left to haunt him.

There _was _a fundamental difference between his friend and his brother, no matter how he felt betrayed by both right now.

Itachi hurt him to protect him. Pushed him away and made him fear and hate so that he’d drive himself to be stronger. Shikako kept quiet to protect him, but she also fought by his side. Shared her strengths and never let anyone doubt that for all the dangers targeting each of them, their team was stronger whole.

“Okay,” Sasuke said.

Shikako blinked, coming out of a reverie. “What?”

“Just… okay. I understand.”

It hurt. It would probably hurt for a long time. But secrets were the currency of ninja and no matter what else he might not know about Shikako, he trusted that she’d never use them against her team.

_It’s hard to live a whole life as a lie. Maybe you didn’t see everything that was going on, but that doesn’t mean what you did see was wrong._

Shikako stared at him without any comprehension and it occurred to Sasuke that she probably expected him to never forgive her. She never did have any sense of her own value to the rest of the team.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to convince her. Certainly not right away.

“Just… promise me something.”

Shikako hesitated, probably expected a promise against more secrets, but Sasuke was a shinobi too. He wasn’t going to ask for something so impossible. Something practically illegal.

“Promise me you’ll help me kill Danzo.”

Shikako stared at him again, but this time to a very different effect. “Of course. I mean. _Obviously_.”

Sasuke felt his shoulders relax just a little. It didn’t resolve much right now, but it was. Good. To know they’d still be standing together despite the secrets between them. Despite the questions she hadn’t answered and the secrets he didn’t doubt she still held.

“There’s just… one more thing I want your help with.”

She rocked back on her feet a little, and now that the incredulous expression was gone and he wasn’t pressing her for information, she just looked unsettled. “What is it?”

“There’s an Uchiha clan tradition for the Bon Festival. We made lanterns to say goodbye to the people who died during the year. I haven’t done it since. I always wanted to wait until I’d avenged them. But… with Itachi dead. And with the anniversary next week…”

“You want to do it now.”

Sasuke nodded, grateful for how easily she always understood him.

“And you want _me _to help.”

“Obviously,” Sasuke repeated back to her.

“_Why_?” Shikako asked, sounding so baffled. “After everything I kept from you, everything I’m still–”

“Because you remember them, too.”

She quieted at that, eyes wide with a hurt in them that was far too familiar.

“You watched their deaths and you learned their names. I saw it when you helped me go through the Police Station. You’ve mourned them, too. You should get to say goodbye.”

“But–”

“And I don’t know that I could do it alone.”

She glared at him like it was only emotional manipulation instead of a painful truth. He was perfectly content to stare her down until she looked away and agreed.

Not more than an hour later they were sitting across from each-other at a very different table, several stacks of high-quality rice paper between them.

“Okay,” Sasuke said letting out a slow breath to steady himself. “This is how we made them.”


End file.
